By Janean
We just went through our second Thanksgiving without our daughter, Hannah. Yes, we have gone through all the first, but that doesn’t mean everything has gotten easier or that things are back to normal. What is normal?
Sadly, we ended up with sickness in our house, so we weren’t able to get together with family at all. The day was spent relaxing, resting, and doing whatever each of us wanted to do at home. As I sat in the recliner and watched the snow falling outside our windows, thoughts of Hannah flooded my mind. She would have been so excited to see the snow and to hear the threating weather reports of more snow coming. I imagined her on campus making snow angels outside her dorm when school would be back in session. As I sat there, I looked over at the top of our piano where we keep Hannah’s urn. There’s a compartment in the top part of her urn where we have placed different small items that remind us of Hannah. One of those items is a small bag that holds her braided hair. Before I said my final good-bye to Hannah outside those operating room doors, I asked the nurse if I could keep her hair. After we received the word that Hannah’s heart had stopped, I was presented with this small lacy bag that holds each of her braids. Before the bag was given to me, the nurse must have placed the scent of lavender on it. As I rested in the recliner, watching the snow, I found myself holding that small bag full of Hannah’s hair, the smell of lavender was faint, but it was still there. My heart was empty, my joy was gone, tears flowed down my cheeks. Sorrow and grief are still part of my life now and I know this will never change.
Hannah would have loved this weekend. The festivities of Thanksgiving, preparing for Christmas, and the overflowing snow that was dumped on us each would have brought such joy to Hannah’s face. Dave pulled the boys around the yard on a sled with our old gator. He missed seeing Hannah’s pink snowsuit and hearing her uncontrollable laughter as she would have been tossed side to side on the sled. It was a time of fun and laughter, but it was also a heart-breaking time of remembering something special that we no longer have.
I would like to share two of the shortest verses in the Bible. These verses have the fewest characters and are in complete contrast with each other. The first verse is John 11:35, “Jesus wept.” Here we find Jesus weeping outside His friend Lazarus’s tomb. Jesus is overwhelmed with empathy and compassion as he sees Lazarus’s sisters, friends, and family grieving after the death of Lazarus. As you read the verses prior to this verse, we find Jesus in Bethabara which is about a day’s journey away from Lazarus. When Jesus heard of Lazarus’s sickness, He responded by saying, “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.” (V.4) There was an intension here, something that only God the Father and Jesus knew about. When Jesus met Martha, she expressed to Him that her brother would rise again in the day of resurrection which is the day that Christ returns to take all those who believe in Christ to heaven. Jesus answered her in verse 25 and 26, “I am the resurrection, and the life; he that believeth in Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live; and whosoever lives and believeth in Me shall never die. Believest thou this?” Jesus knew that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead. He knew God’s purpose in all of this! But when He saw the pain and sorrow from so many people, Jesus still wept! The important point that I want to make here is that God had a plan. Jesus didn’t just come to Bethany to fix people’s sorrow and grief; He came to walk the path with them. Jesus understands our pain in loss. There are other moments in the Bible that Jesus endured suffering of loss. There was the rejection of a rich young ruler who wanted to know how to gain eternal life, the betrayal of one of His disciples, and then the separation of His heavenly Father when all sin was placed upon Him on the cross. It baffles me to think that even though Jesus knew that He was going to raise His friend back from the dead, He still showed love and compassion to all those who were gathered around. There was a plan!
The contrasting verse is found in 1 Thessalonians 5:16, “Rejoice evermore.” From this verse I want to point out that we are allowed to grieve for our loss, but we shouldn’t stay there. We must take what has been given to us in our life and find thankfulness and joy in knowing that there is a plan and a purpose for everything. The word “evermore” literally means forever or always. We are to rejoice forever, always. This isn’t easy, to say the least. There have been multiple days that it was hard for me to find joy. Lifting my voice to the Lord in praise was next to impossible on my own, but the Lord helped me find joy and a reason to rejoice in knowing that the death of Hannah was not for nothing. He has a plan that He continues to work out each day. We don’t always see it, but we trust and have faith that God will show us in His perfect timing what His plan is.
With this being the season of giving thanks, I would like to send out a word of thankfulness to those who have remembered us during this difficult time of the year. From the thoughtful messages and cards in the mail to people already decorating their homes for Christmas in memory of Hannah on her birthday, November 3rd! I hope and pray that your “take away” from this post is knowing that in everything, God has a plan and a purpose for it. He is right there with you, walking the same path as you are. He knows and understands. He is someone you can rely on and put your full trust in!!
We are blessed.
Hannah Helps 