Well, that day has come. Today will be one year since we officially lost Hannah. It’s hard to believe that a whole year has passed. In some ways it seems like yesterday, and in many other ways it still seems unreal and impossible to actually be true. As we have been going through this week, many people have been asking how we are doing, and I guess we are doing pretty good. Yes, it’s the one-year anniversary of our loss, and these dates are strong reminders, but the other side of that coin is the fact that there have been 365 days of living with these thoughts and feelings before this. There is no escaping the reality of our loss. It’s not like we have forgotten and now a date on a calendar is reminding us again. This memory surrounds and consumes us everywhere we are both day and night. Life has dramatically changed, and a big hole has been left!
There is this point in time where everything shifted. Maybe like the attacks on Pearl Harbor or on 911. There’s this one event that changed our lives forever. When we visit MBU, the campus that she loved, there is a library where she took “the bite,” a dorm where we met her and told her that we loved her and that “it would be all right.” There’s a spot in the parking lot where an ambulance once stood and where her heart stopped. There’s the road that we took to get to her side, and then to the hospital. There’s a record of that last phone call on our cell phone, the last one we will ever receive from her… The calls stop, the messages stop, the notes stop, the pictures stop, our future together with her as a family has stopped, and they are never coming back.
Over this past year we have said a lot of good things. A lot of right things. By God’s grace we have remained “strong,” but that doesn’t mean, in any way, that this is “easy” or that we have “moved on.” We can’t forget our hearts being ripped out and that a piece of our soul is missing. That shadow is always there, and those memories will never go away. Part of us would love to fight, kick, and scream. We could shout until we turn blue and throw rocks at the moon in anger and protest, but would it help? Part of us would love to run away from everything familiar and wallow in our own self-pity, but would that change the past? We could blame people and God and become bitter and resentful, but is that going to bring her back? We see incredible temptation to focus on the negative, but we also see the futility and damage caused by these feelings.
Some people have been incredible encouragements, yet others have become far more distant and there’s a silence that speaks volumes. A few people have tenderly come along side, but many others ran away because they feel too uncomfortable while the rest are just too busy to care. It’s hard to see the world moving on, and seeming to forget that Hannah is gone, and no longer caring that “WE” lost our daughter, as if somehow everything is “OK” again. BUT we are still here, we have responsibilities, and there is work for us to do. We can’t choose our problems, but we are responsible for our reactions to them. It’s a conscious daily decision to rise above our thoughts, feelings, and fears. It’s a decision to accept the situation as being a necessary part of God’s good plan. Despite these negative feelings and temptations, we choose to Do Right: Breathe, Take small steps, and Keep moving forward! The days can feel dark, but in the darkness, we choose to heal!
Thank you all for one year of support!
We are blessed
Note:
Last Monday we shared Hannah’s Story on VCY America Crosstalk radio show with Jim Schneider, and he has allowed us to use that broadcast on our YouTube channel, Hannah Helps @ hannahhelps19. We took the original broadcast and added pictures to it, so now you can listen to the interview and look at some of our pictures as you do. Here’s the link:
Please watch the video. We think that it’s well worth your time.
Hannah Helps 