Another busy week has passed. It’s amazing how busy life can be with both the challenges and blessings that it brings. The beginning of our week left us with some apprehension as our oldest son, Micah, was on vacation with his grandparents in Spring Hill, Tennessee visiting his aunt, uncle, and cousins. With the loss of Hannah, it’s difficult to feel comfortable allowing any of us to be separated from the family. We are constantly balancing “protective mode” with “reality mode”. We knew that he was in good hands and that he would have a great time, but the fear of losing another child is constantly lurking in our minds. We set our fears aside and allowed him to go, knowing that it was the right thing to do. He had a safe trip and a great time, and it was a blessing, however, to get him back. I gave him a strong, heartfelt hug that, I think, surprised both of us with its transfer of relief and emotion. Obviously, the situation that we have gone through with Hannah doesn’t in any way relate to these types of things, but yet it does affect everything anyway.
This week was also the two-month anniversary of Hannah’s passing. The funeral was two months ago tomorrow. We daily remember these things as they are deeply scared into our memories. Like BC and AD on the calendar, this event is monumental and will always be a benchmark in our lives. A piece of our hearts is gone, and it will never be replaced. Life does settle into a “new normal,” but it will never be the same. For those who have found this page recently, the honor-walk for her organ donation, the funeral, and everything from the beginning is still here in these posts. We never intended our initial Facebook page to end up this way, but we felt that people need to understand what goes on in the lives of the family. It’s not about us, it’s not about Hannah, although it does involve both of those tremendously. This page is about a larger purpose and a bigger plan. It’s one that we have seen, felt, and believe to be true. Healing begins with acceptance. Accepting the facts and accepting that we are part of His larger plan. God is in charge, He has a plan, and we are part of it. This is definitely not the path that we would ever have chosen or dreamed that we would be on, but in the end, we are here, and we trust God.
Also, this week, Janean had carpal tunnel surgery. This has been something that has needed to be done for quite a while, and now it has happened. We were called and asked to come to the hospital an hour early for the surgery due to cancellation, but in the end, we ended up waiting for that hour plus several more anyway. The surgery went well, and we came home midafternoon. Janean was put on lite duty and has been learning to do things with her non dominant hand, which has been challenging. Also challenging was that she had a negative reaction to the pain medication that she was given. We ended up in urgent care for at least four hours because she felt lightheaded and was throwing up a lot. Although we generally don’t talk about such things, this event was compounded by the fact that the first event of nausea took place while in the home of a good friend from church who is now in hospice care. Joan has always been a unique blessing to Janean, and we desperately wanted to visit. Although Janean was feeling good all day, besides the discomfort in her wrist, things took a turn while at Joan’s house. Janean was hit with an unusually strong wave of lightheadedness and nausea which sent her to the restroom. That abruptly ended our visit. It was uncomfortable, scarry, and embarrassing. We went there to be a blessing, but in the end, it ended up being a bit of a fiasco and we had to leave early. After following the urgent care doctor’s advice, stopping the medication that she was given, and taking antinausea medication that he prescribed, she began to feel better, but it still took several days of rest to fully recover. The surgery was far better than the effects of the medication.
Another big thing that happened was that we got a puppy. Last July we had to put down our rottweiler, Genna. It was a hard time, and it raised the age-old question, “Is it better to have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all?” We considered getting a puppy following that parting, but decided it was better not to go through that again. With the passing of Hannah, however, we have had a change of heart on this. A neighbor donated the funds to purchase our new pup, and we have had our hands full ever since. A puppy was something that we really did want all along, but it was just not the right time. Now we felt that we needed to add some “positivity” into our lives. It wasn’t a hasty decision, and we are prepared for the responsibility. A new pet may be a common idea for a family to help deal with the passing of a loved one, but it certainly does come with a lot of work, responsibility, and commitment. This is a big decision, and we did not take it lightly. Our puppy has been good for the boys and for us as parents as well. She is full of life and is either on the move or sleeping. There is no middle ground. A puppy is a lot of work, and it’s not all fun and games, but we knew this, and she isn’t our first pup. We are excited to have her in our home. She is a ray of sunshine, helping to pierce the gloom that seems to hang over us these past couple months. We have named her Grace.
We are blessed.
Hannah Helps 