Well, the week of Christmas is upon us. Things are already getting busy for us, and they will be getting worse for the next several weeks. There’s no way around stating the honest truth that we aren’t looking forward to Christmas this year and we do wish that we could sit this one out. We have reengaged in all our normal activities, but truth be told, we would love just to stay home in our little bubble and avoid socializing all together. It’s not about a dislike for anyone, it’s just that we really do not need more reminders, and life is full of them this time of year. We do, on the other hand, have other children, parents, siblings, etc. who all deserve as normal of a holiday season as possible. It would be selfish of us to punish others by removing ourselves from these activities. Why should our boys not have as happy of a Christmas as possible? They are missing Hannah too, but should her absence prevent them from celebrating the season? Did she matter more to us than them? No, we loved them all equally. They are each different, yet we love each one of them individually. The loss of one cannot detract from our attention and care for the others. In fact, they need us now more than ever! The healing of our family is largely tied to the strength that we have together. The boys look to us for strength. If we fall apart, they fall apart. With the help of the Lord, the prayers of all those who are supporting us, and our strengthened family bond, we are getting through this.
So, we set our personal “feelings” aside and continue on as normally as possible. We don’t forget our loss, but we don’t wallow in it either, and we do not make those we love “suffer” because we hurt. Selfishness is a natural response at this time, but selfishness is never right. Although we are greatly affected, this was never about “us”. It wasn’t about Hannah either. It’s about a God in heaven who has a bigger plan for each of us, and each of us has a different part in that plan. From the beginning, death wasn’t part of His plan, death came by Adam’s choice to disobey God. Until His return, death is in the plan for all of us. But there is life after death, and life on this side of that “great enemy” is about preparing, not for death, but rather preparing for our “eternal life” with Him. Hannah’s life was cut short by our standards, yet He had a different plan. In His plan her “premature” going home to be with Him was for His purposes and His glory.
I have envisioned our lives as circuits on a circuit board. These boards are full of these tiny, embedded wires that create a circuit. Each circuit has a starting point, and it runs a specifically designed path towards a specific intended destination for a specific purpose. I see my life as one of these. It had a beginning, and looking back it has zigged and zagged to where I am now. Like on the board, there are other “circuits” that have come along side of me for various reasons and lengths of time. As we travel this board together, the longer that we share a similar path, the easier it is to assume that we have the same purposes. Yet in these hard times, I am reminded that we each individually have a unique and specific path, with a unique and specific purpose and destination. Hannah’s path was shorter and ended right next to mine. I thought that it was going to continue alongside mine for a while longer, then branch out into its own unique path, but the Designer had another purpose in mind. Her life was not “cut short”, it merely reached it’s intended destination sooner, and it was designed for a different purpose than I expected.
Healing is about moving on. That doesn’t mean that we somehow forget. Believe me, there is no forgetting what has happened. It means that we continue on, living out our intended purpose. We “Press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14) We will celebrate this season, the time in which our families gather together to celebrate the birth of our Designer and Savior. We celebrate Him at this time, not each other or ourselves. We love and serve others, and give gifts of appreciation, representing the greatest gift of all. The gift of Jesus being born that first “Christmas”, dying for us on “Good Friday”, and rising again early in the morning on “Easter”. We celebrate Christ at CHRISTmas.
We are blessed.
Hannah Helps 