By Dave
Last weekend we celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary. It’s amazing how some days seem to drag by, yet the years fly! With this loss of Hannah, I am really struck with a renewed appreciation for my wife and our marriage. These things have been incredibly difficult, but having her there has been the biggest form of human help, encouragement, and strength.
I have also been thinking about how little we can actually be prepared for big things in life when we start out. Whether we consider getting a driver’s license, getting married, or having a first child; I see that there are some things that just really can’t be adequately prepared for. We may get all the knowledge and theory training done, but we find out quickly that those are not adequate substitutes for experience. When we said, “I do,” we had no idea what life would really be like. We didn’t know what love was, and we didn’t know what our lives would entail.
Sure, love seemed pretty easy to understand, after all it comes with strong feelings, right? It’s like the boy and girl staring eye to eye at each other while sharing a soda, isn’t it? Or we just really enjoyed being together and didn’t want that to end… But now looking back, we find that although it can begin that way, there is much more to it than that. Although love does have many positives, it also involves work. Real love has no room for selfishness. It puts someone else’s desires and interests ahead of my own. It sees beyond the difficulty and disappointments of the moment. It isn’t shaken by a snide remark or a short temper after a difficult day. It forgives, it sees a bigger picture, and in the end it lasts. Love is seen in hard times more than in the good ones. Sometimes it knows what to say, but often it’s better understood in the silence of a good relationship. Finally, love is something that grows. It starts out as something ambiguous, small, and delicate, but as time passes and it’s allowed to grow through humility, forgiveness, sacrifice, and just plain work; love quickly grows into something large, healthy, strong, and beautiful. With God’s help, it’s this true love that sees couples through these difficult times. It’s something that can’t be manufactured on the spot, but rather true love is “tempered” through the fires of trial and adversity. It requires daily work to nurture and tend it, then when the hard times come, it’s there for strength and support. Love bends when it needs to, so that it won’t break when it can’t.
If we knew then what we know now, could we still have said, “I do?” I’m glad that we didn’t have that option. If we could see the future, we would probably run from it! Sometimes married life has been pictured as a couple, full of smiles, leaving their wedding and driving off, in a shiny car, into the sunset with cans dragging behind them; picturing a future of eternal bliss. Perhaps the reality is that the couple should leave in a demolition derby car, showing that, even though life will be rough, they are committed to each other, “’til death do them part.” So now after twenty-two years, could I have said, “I do” again? Absolutely, because I couldn’t have done it without her!
By Janean
On May 31, 2003, Dave and I made a vow between each other, the Lord, and witnesses that we will love, honor, comfort, cherish, keep each other in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, richer or poorer, and forsake all others until death do us part. On that day, saying those words, I did not know fully what they meant. What does it really mean to love, honor, comfort, and cherish this one individual above all others? What will keep each other in sickness and in health really entail? Why would bad things happen if things were going well? How “worse” can things actually get? Neither one of us had an excessive love of money, we knew it was necessary to have to live, but we never desired to have more than what we needed. What does “until death do us part” or “forever” signify?
There is no book, magazine article, website, conference speaker, or counselor that can better prepare anyone when they venture into the life of marriage, except for the Bible. For our wedding, we had a theme verse. It was Ecclesiastes 4:12, “…and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” For us, it pictured Christ, Dave, and myself wrapped around each other so tightly like the “cordage” (or rope) of a sailing ship. This cordage was responsible for sailing, navigating, and handling ships in restricted waters. The other necessity of this rope was for the safety and security of the ship and crew. As the years passed, Dave and I grew in our walk with the Lord and therefore we were growing closer together as husband and wife, and that threefold cord became tighter.
So many times, we did not know what we were doing, where we were going, or what was happening. But we stayed focused and faithful to the Word of God and His promises that He would never leave us, He would comfort us and guide us each step of the way. Psalm 25:4-5, “Shew me thy ways, O LORD; teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.”
I would be lying if I said everything was wonderful and perfect. The statement “lived happily ever after” is truly a fairytale. Because we live in a world that is tainted with sin, there have been many trials that we had to face. We had a complete loss of everything in a house fire. Our desire was to work in a ministry, but God took us from the one that we loved so deeply. Dave had significant health issues for years and doctors couldn’t diagnose what the problem was. We had a miscarriage. And of course, the most recent, the loss of our beloved Hannah. Only through our love for our Lord and trust in Him that He knows what is best in our lives, has that “cord” only gotten stronger and more secure.
We continue to wait, hand in hand, together as we walk this beautiful life that God gave specifically for us. What does He have in store for us? Where is He leading us? Psalms 37:23 – 24, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: For the LORD upholds him with His hand.” We are blessed, together!
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