A little over a decade ago now, I was on staff, full time, at a Christian camp here in southeastern Wisconsin. I enjoyed my time there very much and made many lifelong friends through those years. One of my memories is about the horses that the camp had for a time. Well, it isn’t specifically about the horses, but more about some of the camper’s reaction to them. It seemed that every week in the summer, there were kids who wanted to do nothing else, except ANYTHING with the horses. One rainy day, during free time, I saw a girl standing out by the corral. She was just watching the horses standing there. It amazed me that she would do that. She had seen lots of pictures of horses, but the opportunity to actually be with some, in real life, was worth standing out in the rain for. Horses at that point became real to her that day, and she loved them. Also, while at the camp, I was in charge of the .22 rifle range. As part of this, I went through some NRA range officer training. Most of the time was class work, but there was some “live fire” training as well. Especially with handguns. The classes were held at a technical college that trained law enforcement officers. The school had an indoor gun range as part of this. Part of the in-home, self-defense training was shooting at paper targets with the silhouette of a person on them, but there were also some other targets in the range that law enforcement could use. These were full body black and white pictures of “public enemy number one”, John Dillinger. Seeing the picture of a real person on the target made things far more real to me. The silhouette was theoretical, but Dillinger was a real person, and I could see a real face. Finally, a little over 19 years ago, we became parents for the first time. Hannah was our oldest child. Even with all the preparations, nothing can fully prepare a person for the feeling that they get when they hold their child for the first time. It becomes VERY REAL at that point.
The reason I am mentioning these is because these were times in my life that stick out as times in which things moved from theoretical to real, instantly. Yesterday, for us, seems to also be one of those days too. We received a letter from Versiti. It was our first letter telling us a little about the recipients of Hannah’s major organs. These notes are not directly from the recipients themselves, and Versiti consolidates their initial information into about one or two sentences. These are pretty generic “pictures” of these people, and only a little is said about them. The first is a male from the Midwest in his fifties. He is married and has a daughter. He enjoys watching documentaries. His life was saved because of Hannah. The second is a male in his thirties from the Northeast. He enjoys reading and playing games. His life was saved by Hannah. Next is a woman in her seventies from the Midwest. She retired from the Army and now enjoys several pets, horseback riding, fishing, and volunteering at the VFW. Hannah saved her life too. Finally, we are “beginning to meet” a woman from the Midwest. She is in her thirties. She is married and enjoys cooking, walking, painting, and making jewelry. She wanted us to know that she has been praying for us, she is improving daily, and “she feels that her donor saved her life”.
This letter is our first glimpse of the reality of what Hannah’s sacrifice has meant. Although it is still very vague, we now are beginning to “see” those “theoretical” people for the first time. To be honest, it is a mix of emotions right now. There is no way around the fact that this good news has come about because of our deep and tragic loss. It is a reminder of our loss, and I guess that there is no way to separate the silver lining from the attached dark cloud. To be clear, there is no regret, but I guess that oftentimes great victory does come only with great sacrifice. Maybe I thought that, somehow, that saving these lives would “fill in” the hole in our hearts left by the loss of Hannah. That does not seem to be the case. The reality seems to be that hole left inside us from Hannah’s loss cannot be filled in, it can only heal, there cannot be a “replacement” for Hannah. With that being said, however, I guess that I would say that this new “picture” of these four is creating a “new life” in our hearts. No, it is not a substitute or replacement, it has become its own new life, new story, and with a new future. These four were in the deepest need, these were the ones that we were suffering for, these are the ones that we are praying for, and most importantly, these are the ones that God chose to save through Hannah. The second half of Psalm 30:5 says that “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Although we have been in “the night of weeping”, with this news, a new day is dawning. This letter, and these four recipients are bringing about the dawn of a new day and a new joy. Again, this is not anything that could ever be a substitute for Hannah, it is it’s own “new life”.
We are blessed.
Hannah Helps 