Christmas is quickly approaching, and we have made our annual, traditional preparations. We have decorated our house with the normal Christmas things: lights, garland, a stocking for each child, and a tree. Our tree is full of ornaments that we have collected over the years. Some are from grandparents, some we have found for ourselves, and a few have come from church or other places when the kids were younger. Each ornament is a unique reminder of a person, a place, and a time in that person’s life. Every year a few more are added, and the memories grow. That being said, it was hard to see Hannah’s ornaments, but we got them all hung on the tree. Each one is special. I guess that it’s not just that they remind us of happier times and our current loss, but they also remind us that there are no more memories that we can make with her in the future. There are many “oh yea” moments in a day. At these times there is a realization that life has changed forever, and that it cannot be undone. There will be no special talks, no family trips with her, no college graduation, no wedding, etc. There is just this weird emptiness left inside of us because memory is no substitute for reality.
I am not going to lie and say that there is not a big part of us that would like to skip this holiday season. It would be nice to just jump over it and go straight to the new year, and kind of just “get past” these times that now carry with them so many memories and so much sadness. We have been constantly reminded of the “firsts.” Things like the first weekend she didn’t come home, the first Sunday that she wasn’t helping at church with the bus kids, the first Thanksgiving, and now the first Christmas. I think that this Christmas will be the biggest “first” until next November. Then, when we would be celebrating her birthday, we will instead be remembering all that took place that corresponding week this year. It will be nice to get past these “firsts”.
Reminders of better times and memories are all we have left now of Hannah. They are things that we can’t physically hold onto, but they are things that we can mentally and emotionally hold onto. They may bring a smile or a tear as we encounter them day to day. They are also things, though, that can bring us down or lift us up. Choosing what we dwell on in our minds greatly affects us. The sadness and hardship of our loss cannot be forgotten, but neither can it be given a place in which it controls us either. We can’t hide from the past, but we also can’t allow it to dominate and control our thinking. The battle for our minds is probably the greatest struggle. Finding and maintaining a mental focus and balance that keeps us from falling into self-pity, denial, debilitating grief, or any kind of social or spiritual paralysis is important. We are reminded to keep a heavenly focus and to keep our “affections” (the thoughts, desires, and priorities of our minds) on things “above” rather than on earthly things. (Colossians 3:2) As we go through our day, we need to evaluate where our
“affections” lie. If they are all set on things here on earth, we need to change our focus. Maintaining a heavenly mindset is key to living a God honoring life and enduring hard times.
We are blessed.
Hannah Helps 