I was speaking with a friend the other day. He and his wife lost a son at a young age, after a yearlong battle with cancer. He worked a full-time job, then would go to the hospital until late into the night, then drive home, sleep a little, and do it all over again the next day. He read the Bible to their son while there, and they found both comfort and meaning in that. I could relate to things being so different while in the battle for life. The hospital room did have a tv, but with the drama laid right there before us in the hospital bed, there was nothing on tv that we could even watch. The emptiness and foolishness of entertainment at that time was very evident, and although an election was taking place, nothing mattered to us, except Hannah. (Life is real. Don’t waste it on fantasy.)
As my friend relayed his story, he wanted to really make a point about a mistake that he made, following the passing of their son. His warning was, “Pay attention to your wife and to your marriage”. He said that in the days and weeks that followed their son’s death, he went back to work, then, to a large extent, hid in his work. There was plenty to keep him busy and they needed the money. Nothing more could be done to change the past, but what he failed to notice was how his wife was handling their loss. She didn’t hide in a job, and she didn’t “move on” so easily. There were some attempts at conversations, but to no avail. He did not want to be drug back down into the abyss of grief, but she was not ready to “forget” so quickly. As you can guess, it was not long before their marriage was in jeopardy. He said that things got really bad, and it was at the point of them nearing divorce that he slowed down and did some self-examination. He realized that he had made a big mistake. He had not prioritized his wife, and in his hurry to stop hurting, he had left her far behind. At the point that they needed to be the closest, he had inadvertently “left” to help himself feel better. The battle for life did not end with the funeral. He went on to say that it took many years to undo the problems in the marriage that were created quickly, just in a matter of a few short months. There was deep regret in his voice as he said, “Pay attention to your wife, to what she says and what she does. Do not mess up your marriage like I did!”
I believe that our marriage has been very good, yet this word of warning has also been in the forefront of my mind. I don’t think that this idea of “paying attention” to others during these times is limited to the marriage, yet certainly that God ordained relationship needs to be “right”, first and foremost, after my relationship with Him is right. While thinking on this, a thought struck me, and perhaps I am incorrect on this, but to my recollection, we are to think of others as equal to or better than ourselves. After all, the golden rule says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, Jesus Himself said this in Matthew 7:12, yet as universal as this command is, I would suggest that there is one exception, and that would be the husband’s relationship with his wife. Although treating her as myself does seem like a noble goal, the bar is raised even higher in Ephesians 5:25 where we find that ourselves are no longer the standard or example. The love of Jesus Christ Himself becomes the standard when the Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.” This is a greater love, a sacrificial love to the point of death. If I am to truly love my wife correctly in these days, I need to prioritize her and her needs over my own needs and feelings. We are not two people, but “one”. (Ephesians 5:31)
We are blessed
Hannah Helps 