There is never a good time to lose a loved one, but this time of year does have to be worse than any other. With the holidays quickly approaching, it’s hard to really “care” about them. Although, we still have the three boys, this loss certainly leaves an emptiness inside. I know that many people have faced this same thing, and some even worse, but I am pretty sure that even though we adjust to this new life, our future, and especially holidays will never be the same. This is the time of year that Hannah lived for. The first snow, doing puzzles, the family time, the decorations, and of course, all the food. Hannah took a certain amount of pride in her appetite. She was always looking forward to the next snack or meal. With the metabolism of a hummingbird she would go from meal to meal with great anticipation. This time of year, with all its meals, snacks, and treats, was by far her favorite season.
As a parent, we are constantly trying to protect, provide, guide, and encourage our children. We learn to really enjoy what they enjoy. It was fun to point out to her the first snowflake of the year. She loved it. It was fun to stock up with groceries and things like Oreos, candy corn, and hot chocolate. There are many reminders now of what we had and of what we have lost. What once was special, suddenly seems empty. What once was a shiny highlight of the year has now lost its luster and remains more of a dull obligation and a reminder of our loss and things that will never be. I know that this is how many people feel at different times.
For us life is still a balancing act right now. The need to balance moving forward with remembering, seems almost an impossible contradiction. We are moving forward with the holidays, as per usual. We can’t allow our disappointments to bring us too far down. Sadness is ok, but we cannot allow ourselves to stop living or to wallow in self-pity. As Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane, our prayer was and still is, “Not my will, but Yours be done,” We all know that there are billions of people in this world, but our natural self-focus typically only thinks about us. Jesus, on the other hand, was not thinking about Himself alone in this prayer that night. Yes, He did ask if there was another way, but in the end, He was only interested in doing His Father’s will so that we all can have the opportunity to be saved from our sins. I did not sweat any blood through this, but He did in His grief that night, yet He pushed His feelings aside in order that He might do what’s right. He was thinking of us, and looking beyond the immediate difficulties, towards a brighter future.
As we all go into this holiday season, let’s remember not just those who we’ve lost, but also those who we still have, and let’s not forget that “we ourselves” aren’t all that matters. Our hurts and personal disappointments, although perhaps real and justified, are not to be taken out on others. Love pushes feelings aside and is willing to sacrifice for another. This is how we are loved by Him, and this is how He wants us to love each other. Jesus said in John 15:13-14, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. YE ARE MY FRIENDS, if you do whatever I commanded you”. Love always sacrifices and gives.
We are blessed
Hannah Helps 