Written by Janean
On Thursday, November 3, 2005, at 1:40 in the afternoon, I became a “mom” for the first time. I did not know what to expect. What am I supposed to do with this fragile little being that was wrapped up in a soft blanket and a little stocking cap on her bald head. Hannah Glass entered this world ready to learn, grow, and prosper to become the young lady God had intended for her to be. This day marked the day that the world met Hannah, but I knew her well before this day. I heard her heartbeat months before. I felt her movements well before anyone was able to hold her. What is her life going to be like? What is it going to be like to raise a child? A daughter? What does God have in store for our little family? Will I be a good mom? Will I have a good relationship with my daughter? So many questions, so many uncertainties, so many unknowns and fears…how will we survive?
As we started our family, Joshua 24:15 was a verse that we desired to live by, “…choose you this day whom ye will serve…but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” We desired to serve the Lord no matter where God placed us. Whatever church we attend, we serve Him. Whatever job we work, we serve Him. Whatever family celebration, we serve Him. Whatever hardship may come our way, we serve Him. My greatest desire was to raise children who loved the Lord with all their hearts and children who gain their own desire to serve God, no matter where He led or what challenges may come into their lives. I have heard of families who walk with the Lord, teach their children to do the same, but when their children grow up for one reason or another, they turn their backs on the Lord and go astray. This has always been my deepest fear, and it still is. Every day since November 3, 2005, my prayer has been, “Lord, these precious lives you have given to me to love, raise, and teach are Yours. You have given them to me for a short time. I need Your help to raise them in the ‘nurture and admonition of the Lord’.”
Immediately, we saw how much Hannah loved to learn and be a helper. During church services, she would have her little notebook and scribble “notes” as the preacher gave his message. No one could read those notes because they literally were just lines going up and down on the page, but to Hannah, she was working hard and learning what was being taught.
My number one desire for Hannah was to see her come to the understanding that she needed a Savior. Jesus Christ died for her, as He did for the whole world. Why would He do that? Because He loved her. John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son. That whosoever believeth in Him, should NOT perish but have everlasting life.” There came a day, after vacation Bible school, that a leader in Hannah’s group came to me and told me that Hannah went forward to ask the Lord to come into her life and heart and to save her from her sins, so that one day, she would meet Him in heaven. To be completely honest, I was happy and jealous at the same time. I wanted to be there when Hannah asked Jesus to be her Savior. I wanted to see the joy on her face as this simple step of faith became a reality to her. However, I was thankful that someone took Hannah aside and explained the plan of salvation to her. I desperately wanted to hear from Hannah’s own mouth that she asked the Lord to save her, but I didn’t want to push it. So, I said nothing the rest of the day until I tucked her into bed that night. I simply just asked if she had a good day that day. She said yes. I asked her if she enjoyed vacation Bible school that day, and again she said yes. Then I asked if anything exciting happened that day. She smiled so big at me and said that she asked Jesus into her heart. My heart leaped with joy as she told me about the lesson she heard and what the leader had explained to her. She completely and thoroughly knew what she did and that she had become a child of the King, Jesus!
Raising Hannah was not an easy task. Just like all first-borns, they are the guinea pigs. I had a lot of high expectations of what and how I wanted our family to be. Some were completely unrealistic. I wanted my children to ALWAYS obey, NEVER lie, and look and act perfect whenever we were around people. One example of a time when I struggled getting Hannah to obey was when I would make eggs for breakfast. She always refused to eat them. Since I believed her to be disobedient and going against what I was asking, I would discipline her by making her sit at the table until she ate her eggs. Once we found out that she had a peanut allergy, the allergist wanted to do a complete evaluation to find out everything that Hannah was allergic to. Come to find out, she was allergic to eggs, but it was not as severe as the peanut allergy. To my horror, the reality hit me that when I was trying to make her eat something healthy like eggs, she was not being disobedient towards me, it was her body’s natural reaction to reject that food. Thankfully, after a couple of years, she outgrew that allergy. As a mom, I felt terrible that it didn’t click with me that there might have been more to Hannah refusing to eat the eggs than just being disobedient.
Now it seems that Hannah grew up in the blink of an eye. Before I knew it, she was looking for a job to make money so she could go to college, getting her driving license, and talking about all that she wanted to do to serve the Lord, wherever He wanted her to go. There was a time when Hannah got her first taste of the world and its strong influence when she started working her first job. Hannah would come to me with so many questions as to why we don’t do this or that or why is “that” so bad. These questions were hard because sometimes I felt that she was going against our authority, ultimately God’s authority. My fear of losing her to the world started to creep into my mind. But with my husband’s help and much prayer, we showed her from God’s Word the answers to those questions. When the time came for her to prepare herself to go to college and begin her journey outside our home, she came back to us. She took upon herself the words of God in the Bible and lived by them. She trusted God to show her His will for her life and she whole heartedly gave everything over to Him.
As a mom, I did not want to see her go. The time went too fast! Could she just stay home one more year? No. That’s not how things are supposed to be. God gave her to me for a time, but the time had come to give her back to the Lord and to let her go. I was thrilled that she was so close to home. She would come home on the weekends (with an overflowing laundry bag of clothes that needed washing) spending some much needed time to rest, do some schoolwork, play games with the family, and talk about the events of her week at school. It was wonderful! She was growing into a beautiful, godly young lady. I was and I am a proud mom! There is no way around that.
Never, never in my wildest dreams did I think that just a few months after Hannah left for college, God would alter our lives so drastically. When the first doctor came to us, on Monday night (November 4th), I couldn’t completely comprehend what he was saying to us. My mind did not want to go to the thought that she was going to die. My thoughts went more toward “she will pull through but probably won’t be able to finish the school year.” As the week went on, I still would not allow my mind to go to, “She is going to die.” I started to think that she will have a long road of recovery ahead of her. I would have the pleasure of taking care of her and helping her body regain what it has lost through this tragic event that it went through. But there came a day, I don’t remember which one it was, but I was standing next to Hannah’s bed holding her hand and looking at her face. A voice spoke to me, “Do you love me?” I thought, “Lord, is this you?” It responded, “Yes, do you love Me?” My immediate response was, “Yes, Lord, of course I do.” “Do you understand she is Mine?” I looked for a long time at Hannah’s peaceful looking face, I knew exactly what God was asking. And I responded, “Yes, Lord she is Yours. You have made her into the godly young lady that she is. I know you have a plan that is perfect and beyond my understanding. I will love You and continue to serve You no matter what Your plan is.” The next few days, God’s plan became evident. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8 God knew that through Hannah’s death more people would be reached than if He allowed her to live to an old age.
Not only is this weekend Mother’s Day, but it also marks six months since Hannah’s heavenly home going. This is what I would like to leave for all the mothers out there, your children are a gift from God. You only have a short time with them where you can be their only influence, show them by your love, and help them to grow into the young men and women that are pleasing to God. Use that time wisely and ask God for help. It’s not easy to raise children in this day and age. There are so many things fighting against us when we are trying to raise them to do what’s right. You might be a mother who did all you knew how to, to raise your children to love the Lord and serve Him. But when they reached adulthood, they went their own separate way. You must remember that they are not gone. God can do incredible things in a person’s heart. It might take years, but as long as your child has breath, God can work and bring them back.
A mother’s job is never done, no matter the age of your children. You will get tired and think that you will never find a day to rest. You may feel alone, and that no one cares for you or your struggles. You might be telling your child for the hundredth time not to do something. Know this, dear mother, this too will pass. You are not alone. Every mother struggles at times, even if they don’t show it. Consistency is key. God is ALWAYS there. Sometimes you might have to just stop what you’re doing and take the kids to the park, or call a friend and say “Hey, let’s get together.” Above all, pray. Pray for your child now and for their future. 1 Peter 5:7, “Casting all your care upon Him, because He cares for you!” I hope and pray that you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day. May you find joy in celebrating together with your children.
We are blessed.
Hannah Helps 